Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I won the penis lottery.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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