I'm so fucking centered right now
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
