he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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