I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
