just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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