so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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