Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
