Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
