He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
