He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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