Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
