He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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