i just wanna soil my oats bro
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
