I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
