Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
