Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
