That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
