I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
