oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
