I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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