So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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