Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
