Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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