Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
