I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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