Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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