I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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