I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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