dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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