I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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