I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
