All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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