one two three fourrrrnication!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
