Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
