She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
