Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
