I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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