He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Randomize
