Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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