So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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