Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
