In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
