You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
