i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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