new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
