So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
