My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
