I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
