there's paper in my vomit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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