Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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