I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
