My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
