How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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